


everyone has something to confess

by dancefantasy



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Crack, Don't Read This, Furry, Gen, High School Musical References, Pure Crack, that's all you need to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancefantasy/pseuds/dancefantasy
Summary: Chris thinks everyone needs to open up about their feelings because fighting zombies can be emotionally taxing. Everyone just ends up confessing their weird secrets instead.
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/Ada Wong
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	everyone has something to confess

**Author's Note:**

> my apologies to all these characters

"I'm guessing you're all probably wondering why I asked you to come here today. Well, we're having a group therapy session, because life is too stressful to not let all of your feelings out. So, does anyone have anything they want to get off their chest?" Chris asked all of the others as they awkwardly sat in the circle of chairs he had provided for them. No one really seemed to want to say anything, so Chris volunteered his own sister. "How about you, Claire?"

"Uhh..." She looked around the room in thought before deciding on, "I guess I always thought it would be fun to be a clown. But I guess working for a human rights organization was the closest I could get to that without being laughed at. Laughed at for the wrong reasons, anyway."

Chris blinked in surprise. He was expecting people to open up about their emotional struggles in these trying times, not confess their secret career aspirations. But before he could correct the group, more people began making their own confessions.

"I want to run for president!" Ashley blurted out. "But if I win, everyone will say it was all nepotism somehow!"

Barry raised his hand. "I want to learn how to use Twitter, but I'm too scared to ask my daughters for help. They probably think I'm too old for this social media stuff!"

Claire shook her head. "Oh, no way, Barry! I know Moira would love to help you out!" she said soothingly.

"Oh, really?" Barry smiled in pleasant surprise. "Wow, you're right, Chris! It is helpful to get these things off our chests."

Chris held up a finger in doubt, trying to figure out what to say before he heard more of everyone's secret desires in case any got really weird. But he was cut off by Leon.

"I... dance," Leon quietly confessed. "Dance is my passion."

"What is this, High School Musical?!" Ethan spluttered in concern, seeming just as concerned as Chris was.

"What's High School Musical?" Sheva asked, confused.

"How do you not know of High School Musical, only THE best movie of 2006?" Sherry nearly screeched.

"Oh, sorry," Sheva responded sarcastically. "In 2006, I was busy getting attacked by chainsaws in Africa and saving Jill from Wesker! I didn't have time to watch some musical!"

"But even Wesker had time to watch it. He made all of his minions watch it with him, even me," Jill said. "We have to show you the movie, Sheva. You're missing out."

"Movie night! I'll make popcorn!" Rebecca volunteered.

"NO!" Chris boomed. "We're supposed to be confronting the way this evil zombie stuff and all the suffering it's brought us has affected our psyche. We usually have to stuff these feelings down and be strong, but we can't! We need to _open_ up, not _cover_ up our issues by watching Disney Channel movies!"

"Just like I stuff down my feelings about wanting a fursuit?" Carlos asked.

Leon did a spit take. "FURSUIT?! YOU HEATHEN!"

"Don't be so rude!" Jill chastised. "I support you, Carlos."

He smiled. "Thanks, Jill. Say, do you have anything you want to share?"

"Yeah, maybe it will actually help you guys too," Jill began with a shy shrug. "It's weird, but every time I'm worried, singing 'Baby One More Time' by Britney Spears makes me feel better."

"Give me a sign~" Chris quietly sang to himself with immense stress. He was certainly worried, but singing the song didn't seem to help.

Suddenly Ada Wong burst into the room and pointed at Leon. "Did you just say that dance is your passion?" she asked.

Ignoring the question on where she could have possibly came from, Leon timidly answered, "Yes."

She seemed to smile in relief. "Leon. Dance isn't only your passion. It's also mine." She samba danced over to his chair and whisked him away into the corner to boogie.

"This is all insane!" Chris hollered, looking around the circle to see if anyone else agreed with him. "You want to be president? Sure! You want to use Twitter? Sure! I can even gloss over that clown thing, Claire. But Carlos is a furry?! ADA WONG IS DANCING WITH LEON?!?!?!?" He couldn't even begin to guess how she had overheard Leon's confession.

Rebecca sighed sadly at Chris's response to everything. "You probably don't want to hear my confession, then..."

"No, you have to," Ethan told her. "Because I think no one will ever open up about anything ever again after we leave this room. It's now or never."

Knowing Ethan was probably right, Rebecca quickly said what was on her mind to get it over with. "Okay, I actually watch High School Musical almost every single day."

Sherry excitedly clapped her hands together. "Finally, a woman of culture!" she praised.

Sheva felt very out of the loop. "What's the deal with this movie?!"

"It's about basketball!" Rebecca explained. "And I used to play basketball! That's why I like it."

"Who watches HSM for the basketball?" Ashley snorted. "You watch it because Sharpay Evans is an icon!"

"No, you watch it for the love story!" Barry disagreed, then quickly felt embarrassed to have stepped into the conversation. "Uh, I only know because my daughters used to watch it so much."

"I really need to see this," Sheva decided. "Jill, let's go watch the movie. Especially if Rebecca is offering popcorn."

"Can I come?" Carlos asked.

Jill nodded as she rose to leave. "Totally! And then we'll look up a fursuit for you to buy." After the terror of being brainwashed and losing her identity, she was all for helping her friends be their complete selves.

"Just base it on the mascot in the movie," Sherry suggested as she left with them and Rebecca.

After they closed the door behind them, the room fell into silence except for the clacking of Leon and Ada's shoes against the floor.

"...Do you have anything to confess, Chris?" Claire asked her brother as she watched him seethe because his meeting had gone completely wrong.

"How I can I compete with everything I've heard today, Claire? What can I even say? That I think those Mrs. Butterworth's shaped maple syrup bottles are hot or something?"

Barry raised an eyebrow. "I know we're all trying to be very accepting here, but... That's weird, Chris."

"What? It was a joke!!!!" Chris shouted defensively, feeling like his life was falling apart.

Ashley didn't seem too sure, crossing her arms with disgust on her face. "Sounded honest to me..."

Chris couldn't take it anymore and stormed out of the room. The moment had been taken away from him, he had heard too much weirdness, and then he was accused of being attracted to a vaguely human-shaped piece of plastic. He'd rather go fight zombies.

Claire, unsure of what to do now that the guy who had invited them all there was gone, turned to look at Leon and Ada. "How are they actually good?" she asked as they managed some crazy dance moves despite the lack of space and music.

"That looks almost as romantic as High School Musical!" Barry noted supportively.

Things grew quiet again. Then Ethan spoke up.

"Does anyone want to see pictures of my Holiday Barbie collection?"


End file.
